07 September, 2005

Ignoring My Blog

Actually not ignoring, more like avoiding like the plague. I think about a post every day. I think about what I can add to the world in the way of a funny anecdote or blurb or interesting fact or something that will make my readers smile.

All I got is bitching people. I am so consumed with my pending move to New Zealand. And as of late I would rather be mute because the only thing comin' outta my mouth is frustration.

I know that this is a pattern. I know that this has to happen. You figure out your goal, you specify what you need to do, you diligently work towards that goal, you make progress, you win a few gold stars, you get closer and you keep at this for a while. Somewhere along the way things start to fall apart. Your working as hard as you can but you feel like your beating your head against a wall and getting nowhere. And this is when the frustration kicks in. This is when it starts to become like a tumor and invade the rest of your life. This is when all your waking moments are taken up by "what can I do BETTER, what MORE can I do to achieve what I want?". Thoughts of giving up start to creep in. And you think to yourself "I am a fucking LOSER if I give up now, just because it got hard!". So you keep plugging. You tell your friends that your weekends are kinda screwed for a while because Sunday in the States is Monday in New Zealand and you need to make those contacts.

Then a golden rainbow emerges through the clouds. I had an amazing interview with a recruiter on Thursday and then with the client on Monday. The job is perfect for me. A team lead position doing Quality Assurance for a software company. LOVE the job. And my direct manager sounds like someone I could work for very well. And it's in Auckland. And, and, and....


I could jump through hoops. The only problem is; if they end up not liking me, or not hiring me, or not anything this will be one big huge let down and I will spire once more into despair.

So I will remain calm and normal. Pretend that I am going through the motions of a normal work day. I will remain focused. And I will secretly pray to the Universe to let this happen for me.

And I will look for a flat in Auckland - just in case. :-)