26 April, 2006

When you have a broken heart add tequila, then you'll have a hangover too.

Just when I thought it was safe to venture back into the water, my steady and determined lifeboat was suddenly surrounded by sharks and I had to hit one over the head.

5 and a 1/2 years out of the dating pool and I decide to pick my local Kiwi surroundings to venture back in. Fool that I am. Alas, I just don't think it would be any different any where else. This may just be my proving ground.

It's just that I haven't hung up my g-string for the convent yet. So there is still hope left in me. Hope for a guy who can batter up and swing for the fences, if not hit a homer. I am not looking for a homer mind you; how about a nice double-play, with enthusiastic cheers coming from the stands. And well this guy was more like a fat ump who couldn't call the guy safe at home plate. The instant replay was used THREE TIMES and finally the ump made the right call.

Yep, after three crap instances, I finally broke up with this guy's ass. I am attributing this to the mere fact that I have been here before and GAWD no thank you. Can you see the sign on the Garden State: Writing on the wall, next exit.

So after breaking up with him over the phone (don't yell at me, he was the one who left at 3:30 on Sunday to go avert yet ANOTHER crisis in the Wellington and completely blew me off and by Monday morning I decided I had had enough) I called Mom on the phone and whined a bit and then headed to a friends house, who promptly got me drunk and we spent the rest of the day lying on his living room floor listening to James Blunt. Over and Over and Over again.

Nothing outdoes the pain of a break up like the pain of a good hangover. This also gives one the ability to use metaphors way too much.

So in keeping with my determined sense of humor, TONIGHT: Salsa lessons. This should be interesting. There are no Spanish people in this country, so my expectations are not running that high, however I am going with Lyn and the humor factor should be favorable.

03 April, 2006

Don't read this post if you a) truly believe your own propaganda and b) lost all your sense of humor at birth

My Kiwi friend Jeff loves me because I am Italian and from New York and because he truly believes that I am Tony Soprano's long lost daughter. Jeff whips out his version of a Brooklyn accent every time I see him. This is enjoyable for him, since he gets to play pretend Jersey Mobsta and makes me laugh my ass off because the Kiwi accecent is so there and Jeff has NO CLUE what reality actually is.

Jeff, listen up, the show is NOT REAL!

This back and forth also equates to half the conversations we have through email and today's verbal abuse Mobsta style took the work 'suck' to it's enth degree. It also perfectly highlights what every single person outside of the New York\New Jersey Metro area actually believes Italians are like. Everyone is convinced that my Dad is a made man, carries a 9-mm special and has a comb-over. I keep trying to tell them that Dad's comb-over doesn't exist anymore since he has no hair there, but no one will believe me.


11:20 am: Incoming Email


Hope you had a good weekend....you busy for lunch?

I was just gonna do the Subway thang!




1:30 pm: Outgoing Email

Shoveled it in at my desk today... but will do tomorrow...... :-)

Catch you later baby!



1:38 pm: Incoming Email

Yeah, I had a mad rush to get home, get my visa statement, grab Subway on the way back, get to the ANZ bank, take some money out, pay the damn visa off, then...bank a cheque at the National Bank to replace what I just took out (it was a bank cheque that I hadn't banked for a week!) and get back to the office and relax for 10mins. Scoff my Subway down and now IÂ’m back at my desk!! No rest over here either!

Sweet as, as always.



1:40 pm: Outgoing Email



1:50 pm: Incoming Email

I aint no sucka...sucka!

Suck you and yer suckin dog!

Go suck yourself, you suckin sucker!

Suck you, you suck, you muthasuckin suck, you suckin suckhead!

Ahhhhhhhh guess who's bored today? I think I am no longer stimulated by my job and my employer and therefore will sit here and make up stupid shit via email to entertain us all. I am an idiot.

Sweet as lovey.

Buzz you later.



1:55 pm: Outgoing Email

You forgot:

Suck this
Go suck yourself
Your dog sucks better than you
Suck my big toe
Suck my left bleeeeep
Suck my other one
Suuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk YOOOOOOuuuuuuuuuu!

And in the immortal words of my 5 year old nephew "You SUCK Auntie!" All because I wouldn't give him gum and let him choke and die.

Go figure.

Cheers mate,


A Little Diddy

I have been here long enough now to glean wedding invitations (no not mine!) to friend's weddings and well weddings of friend's siblings that I just happen to get along really well with.

We've known each other for five months now and we all have far too much fun together. His friends have diverged through my friends and well everyone knows just about everyone in this city. It is very akin to playing 5 movies through Steven Siegal. And now I know the Grandmother, who attached at the hip once she found out that my family is from Calabria and she is from Burno (or some place that I can not spell that is all of about 50 miles from Calabria) and asked me what I put in my sauce and I said "no, you first" and she promptly DIVULGED sauce recipe. To which the friend's Mom gasped and exclaimed that she thought that the sauce recipe was going to the grave with Grandma. And then I somehow got sucked into cooking dinner this coming Wednesday night. To which my friend said "You've been invited to more family barbecues than I have, your amazing". Naw, I just got the natch to talk food and your family is full of foodies and well I have rekindled my love for cooking as of late and sure I will cook on Wednesday night, in fact I will make sauce and tell your Grandma to beat that!

Oh and as for the Wedding on Saturday.... This people, is a family that can wedding really well. As far as the eye could see there was never a shortage of food and food and food and drinks and drinks and drinks. It started at 2:00 pm, I was laughing by 2:15 pm, I was introduced to about 20 new people all whom expected me to remember their names by 4:00 pm, I was a bit tipsy by 6:00, broke a salad dressing bottle by about 8:00 pm and finally called it quits by 2:00 in the morning, this after the SECOND dinner came out. Great party, nice people. They made me miss mine.

And when asked why we get along so well I answered "Because you're an older brother and I'm a younger sister; hence you're responsible and I'm a brat!"

But you all new that.