03 April, 2006

Don't read this post if you a) truly believe your own propaganda and b) lost all your sense of humor at birth

My Kiwi friend Jeff loves me because I am Italian and from New York and because he truly believes that I am Tony Soprano's long lost daughter. Jeff whips out his version of a Brooklyn accent every time I see him. This is enjoyable for him, since he gets to play pretend Jersey Mobsta and makes me laugh my ass off because the Kiwi accecent is so there and Jeff has NO CLUE what reality actually is.

Jeff, listen up, the show is NOT REAL!

This back and forth also equates to half the conversations we have through email and today's verbal abuse Mobsta style took the work 'suck' to it's enth degree. It also perfectly highlights what every single person outside of the New York\New Jersey Metro area actually believes Italians are like. Everyone is convinced that my Dad is a made man, carries a 9-mm special and has a comb-over. I keep trying to tell them that Dad's comb-over doesn't exist anymore since he has no hair there, but no one will believe me.


11:20 am: Incoming Email


Hope you had a good weekend....you busy for lunch?

I was just gonna do the Subway thang!




1:30 pm: Outgoing Email

Shoveled it in at my desk today... but will do tomorrow...... :-)

Catch you later baby!



1:38 pm: Incoming Email

Yeah, I had a mad rush to get home, get my visa statement, grab Subway on the way back, get to the ANZ bank, take some money out, pay the damn visa off, then...bank a cheque at the National Bank to replace what I just took out (it was a bank cheque that I hadn't banked for a week!) and get back to the office and relax for 10mins. Scoff my Subway down and now IÂ’m back at my desk!! No rest over here either!

Sweet as, as always.



1:40 pm: Outgoing Email



1:50 pm: Incoming Email

I aint no sucka...sucka!

Suck you and yer suckin dog!

Go suck yourself, you suckin sucker!

Suck you, you suck, you muthasuckin suck, you suckin suckhead!

Ahhhhhhhh guess who's bored today? I think I am no longer stimulated by my job and my employer and therefore will sit here and make up stupid shit via email to entertain us all. I am an idiot.

Sweet as lovey.

Buzz you later.



1:55 pm: Outgoing Email

You forgot:

Suck this
Go suck yourself
Your dog sucks better than you
Suck my big toe
Suck my left bleeeeep
Suck my other one
Suuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk YOOOOOOuuuuuuuuuu!

And in the immortal words of my 5 year old nephew "You SUCK Auntie!" All because I wouldn't give him gum and let him choke and die.

Go figure.

Cheers mate,