This past weekend I had the pleasure of watching my brother’s football team kick another football team’s ass. Good stuff all around. And of course there is the added benefit of watching sweaty football players in their uniforms run around like maniacs on grass and then smell them as they walk by. Hum, bonus! Breathe one for the single sister of the Offensive Coordinator. And for all you football fans, my brother’s runnin’ option this year and I know enough about football to know what that actually means! Go me.
The bigger bonus however is the opportunity to hang with the two coolest men on the planet. They also happen to be the founders and chair of my fan club. Meet Michael and Mason… ages 6 and 3…. My dudes.
The banter and mayhem and unbelievable chaos fraught with much love can only come from a house that holds two hyper testosterone ridden pre-pubescent athletes, a father that is in a constant state of college-dom and a mother who is pregnant, again!
Conversation at the football game:
Michael: “Auntie, watch me. I can spit this skittles really far.”
Me: “Mike, I really don’t want to watch you spit.”
Colleen (brother’s friend): “Aw, come on, you gotta teach the kid skills.”
Me: “Skills, heh, I’ll teach the kid how to do shots when he is 16. With lime AND salt! Now those are skills!”
Colleen: “Don’t forget the hookers.”
Me: “Oh, that’s at 18. See, there is a progression. Tattoos at 13, shots at 16, hookers at 18.”
At this moment of course my sister-in-law walks into the conversation and gives me that look that says “If I die, I am not leaving them to you.”
To which I can only retort: “What! This is what Aunts are for. You’re supposed to raise them and I’m supposed to be morally objectionable!”
Conversation in the car on the LONG ASS ride home from the football game:
Michael: “Auntie, when are you getting married?”
Me: “Um, Auntie’s not getting married for a while bud, okay.”
Me: “Because Auntie wants to have some fun and not worry about that kind of pressure right now, okay.”
Michael: “But, why?”
2 hours later….the kid still hadn’t found a new theme.
Putting them to bed:
Mason: “No, NO! I want AUNTIE to tuck me in!”
Mason: “No, NO! I want AUNTIE to read me a story!”
When I left:
Mason: “Bye Auntie, I love you, come again soon, PLEEEEEEEASE!”
And that folks, makes it all worth the 4 hour ride to the back ass end of Connecticut!