A large portion of the unraveling of my disillusionment is the concept that I truly believed in men having honor. A man should do what is right, what is honorable and what is just. I think that is the reason that I have been attracted to men in the military all my life. The military holds honor as a code, a standard to live by. The military values ethics that are substantial; justice, patience, honesty, loyalty, courage and commitment. These are not just words to me. They are the ethics with which I was raised on. I am the daughter of a United States Marine. I was raised to have honor and to take pride in every aspect of my life.
I find that I am often so disappointed and let down by everyone around me. The men that I meet have no honor. They have no pride and they have not a shred of commitment. There is no loyalty among us. And they are cowards.
It is an enormous realization that my father was right. I am naive. And I am extremely disillusioned by it.