Do Over

The waitress at my local needs to be smacked. She is young, beautiful and arrogant. Her popularity makes her unaware of the black spot that must exist on her heart.

And yes, if I were young again, I so would have had attitude.

Instead I was rife with empathy towards others and a need to make a forward thinking liberal social-political impact on my environment. I boycotted prom because of the lack of integrity and the statement that the puritanical traditions of prom created a factious patriarchal society that impeded on my ability to overcome the glass ceiling.

Or some such shit.

God I was an idiot.

Experiment: Tonight I will don self-imposed arrogant self-importance. I intend to mix this with a great heap of infected laughter and the immature belief that the world revolves around me. Add a hair flip and the ability to ignore beings that are not worth the sole of my shoe, and I GUARANTEE YOU that I will be the most popular girl in the room.

Sick, ain't it.

The truth hurts

A large portion of the unraveling of my disillusionment is the concept that I truly believed in men having honor. A man should do what is right, what is honorable and what is just. I think that is the reason that I have been attracted to men in the military all my life. The military holds honor as a code, a standard to live by. The military values ethics that are substantial; justice, patience, honesty, loyalty, courage and commitment. These are not just words to me. They are the ethics with which I was raised on. I am the daughter of a United States Marine. I was raised to have honor and to take pride in every aspect of my life.

I find that I am often so disappointed and let down by everyone around me. The men that I meet have no honor. They have no pride and they have not a shred of commitment. There is no loyalty among us. And they are cowards.

It is an enormous realization that my father was right. I am naive. And I am extremely disillusioned by it.